Archive for March, 2006

…When Julie Ripped the Back of Her Pants at Work

Posted in Uncategorized on March 31, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

Hee hee! It just happened. She doesn’t know I’m typing this. She’s such a sweetie. And she’s got a cute boom-boom too. When she ripped her pants, I saw it a little!


…When I’m Pretending to Work Hard and Suspecting Others are Doing the Same

Posted in Uncategorized on March 31, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

Some scary footage of an underground atomic explosion, made slightly less sacry by the ridiculous Over-the-Top John Williams-esque score accompanying it. Via Militant Platypus

Check out these great classic board game boxes from The only one I remember having is the Barnabas Collins game, which I picked up at a rummage sale for a dollar and never opened. Of note is The Kennedys board game. What exactly was the objective and why would kids want to play it? More research is clearly necessary. Via Cynical C

When Julie first told me that the coach fired for appearing in gay porn (via Towleroad) was from Mater Dei High School, I freaked. That’s were I WENT to high school. Turns out there’s more than one Mater Dei High School in the county – this one’s in Illinois (I blame my ego-centricity on my Catholic upbringing). Nevertheless, my high school has had its share of scandals. Read all about my de-frocked principal, the music teacher who got a student pregnant, along with the requisite cover-ups and denials. Oh, and in the spirit of fair play, if you’d like to make a contribution to the school, you can do that here!

…When Michael Drunkenly Put the Eggs in the Freezer and We Couldn’t Find Them the Next Morning

Posted in Uncategorized on March 26, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

In all fairness, who hasn’t made a bonehead move like this in an inebriated moment? And I could just easily blog about my own similar embarrassments with headlines like “…When Gary Drunkenly Put His Wallet in the Oven for Safekeeping,” or “…When Gary Drunkenly Tried to Fix a Cabinet and Glued Three of his Fingers Together” or “…When Gary Drunkenly Ordered a Pizza and Forgot About Until Two Days Later When He Found it Under the Bed.” Yes, I could talk about all those things, but it’s just so much more satisfying to laugh at Michael. Besides, I had to go to work without breakfast!

…When Julie in My Office Revealed She Had No Idea Who Shot JR

Posted in Uncategorized on March 26, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

Julie is a bright, capable young woman. I think she’s 24 or so. She has a big future in television production, but she doesn’t know who Larry Hagman is, she has never watched an episode of Dallas in her life, and when you mention the phrase “Who Shot JR?” to her, she tilts her head like a baffled golden retriever. Thank God she met me, a grown man who longs for the day he meets Linda Gray, watches six epsiodes a week on SoapNet, and keeps Dallas trading cards in his top drawer at work. This was the biggest event in television history, and the audience it drew will never be duplicated. Yes, more people watched the final episode of that yawn of a Korean War comedy, but that was a two-and-a-half hour ego fest, an episode five times its normal size. “Who Shot JR” was its regular 44 minutes, four acts, no special guest stars, no weepy good-byes, no gallant speeches, no psycho wig-pulling and apartment-exploding, and no naked Teri Hatcher running down the street with a giant ficus. It was just good, fun storytelling brought to a sleek well-honed climax. There was no intention to capture the fascination of the entire world. No calculation ahead of time. The producers, writers and actors simply knew what they were doing.

Somewhow, Julie being completely oblivous to the insane amount of global press that swarmed the country over this has brought back in full force all the memories of how much fun it was to be a part of it. My entire family watched, everyone in my fifth grade class watched. I even remember having a tooth filled by Dr. Croal and him stopping mid-way through the procedure to ask “So Gary, who do you think did it?” knowing he didn’t need to be more specific for anyone to know what he was talking about.

TV addiction will never be so much fun again. Now, we can each watch pretty much anything we want anytime we want. But I can still feel the labors of getting through the week leading up to that epsiode, hearing about it everywhere I went, the fun of getting a call from my sister in law’s family in Ohio, who got the show two hours earlier and refused to give up the identity of the culprit, and finally having my curiosity sated. Watching the episode now, it comes off rather tame and underwhelming compared to what producers can get away with these days. The people who worked on Dallas had a much tighter box to work within, and pulled off far more fun than anything on the air now. Julie, like everyone her age, just plain missed out.

“Who Shot JR” Re-lived on Ultimate Dallas

Listen to NPR Celebrate the 25th Anniversary of the Episode

Overseas coverage from BBC

Good to know I’m not the only blogger out there who loves to re-live all this madness – 80’s Actual

And for those not in the know (there are more of you out there than I realize), here’s the guilty party

…When I’m Watching Today’s Episode of AMC on Tivo

Posted in Uncategorized on March 22, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

Meet Charles Martin, the knuckle-dragging son-of-a-bitch who blew apart a kid for messing around with his lawn and was deservingly idiotic enough to call 911 and confess the crime along with his measly justification. If that’s not sad enough, the local news website makes you wade through a tacky casino ad before letting you hear the sad audio. Dickweeds via Fark

I have a weak password… no a VERY weak password. It’s the same password I’ve used for years on every site which requires one. If you know anything about me, you’d probably be able to figure it out. Wanna see how secure your password is? Click here — and unless it’s something like F6#–*LT15, prepare to be hacked sometime soon. Via Cynical C

Another gem from My Darling Mister Barry of Hollywood.

Did he transcribe all this stuff himself?? Stan the Caddy has every Seinfeld script posted on his site! Read them all and you too can get yourself a job on network television. I think this is the only pre-req they have these days. Stan the Caddy via Cynical C

WOW! Do I want one of these TV sets. Michael Granberry, are you reading this? My birthday is OCTOBER 21!! Predicta Vintage TV Sets

What Guests Got a Good Firm Squeeze From Gary?

Posted in Uncategorized on March 22, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

Watch I’ve Got a Secret… beginning Monday April 17 at 11:30 PM following Match Game and find out!

…When I Have A Belly Full of Trader Joe’s Low-Carb Italian Sandwiches, Homemade Double Chocolate Cookies and Diet Coke

Posted in Uncategorized on March 22, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

Cat Falls 80 Feet, Lives to Tell, Gets Offered Reality Show –Local 6 News via Fark

Spell Your Name with Naked People! – Militant Platypus