Archive for April, 2006

…When I Pulled All the Cheese Out of My Trader Joe’s Low Carb Sandwich and the Resulting Flavor Did Not Sadden Me

Posted in Uncategorized on April 27, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

From Boing Boing – “I just scored Bossa Disney Nova, a Japanese CD of legendary Brazilian bossa nova artists performing groovy, loose interpretations of Disney classics. It’s completely enchanting: with performances like the Jota Morales Group’s “Parada Eletrônica na Rua Principal” (Main Street Electrical Parade) and especially the demented DJ 524’s Incredible Samba Band mix “Mickey Mouse Club Samba” you can’t miss. It’s just genius.Link

Soviet Underground Submarine Base – Until the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991 Balaklava was one of the most secret towns in Russia. 10km south east of Sevastopol on the Black Sea Coast, this small town was the home to a Nuclear Submarine Base.

Almost the entire population of Balaklava at the time worked at the Base, even family members could not visit the town of Balaklava without good reason and identification.

The base remained operational after the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991 until 1993 when the decommissioning process started and the warheads and low yield torpedos were removed. Then in 1996 the last Russian Submarine left the Base, and now you can go on Guided tours round the Cannel System, Base and small Museum, which is now housed in the old weapons stowage hangers deep inside the hillside. (Via Cynical C)

Let’s all clap hands for the doll doctor. Or let’s all cup our hands and throw up into them. Doll Surgery


…When Season 12 of Dallas Continues to Drag Along (J.R. is in Marriage Counseling?)

Posted in Uncategorized on April 27, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

Meet ZeFrank. One of his valves is a little tighter than it should be, but I think I’ll keep him anyways. The Show with ZeFrank via Cynical

…When My Day’s Obsession with Bananarama Continues

Posted in Uncategorized on April 26, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

Here’s a fun mini-doc on the making of Bananarama’s “Venus.” Take a couple of mylar balloons, some false eyelashes, several oiled-up hunks in shredded loincloths, toss in three British chicks who can’t dance and may or may not be able to sing, and a classic music video is born!


…When Bananarama’s "More Than Physical" was the Naughtiest Thing on MTV

Posted in Uncategorized on April 26, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

I will always remember when this video first hit MTV. Bananrama had just scored a number one single in the United States with “Venus” and were as hot as they were ever going to be outside of England. Every weekday at 3 in the afternoon, MTV would count down the top ten requested videos of the day, based on viewer call-ins to 1-900-DIAL-MTV. No TRL, no studio with screaming kids, no Lindsay Lohan surprise visits. Just Martha Quinn talking to the camera, usually sporting some kind of beret or flourescent suspenders.

Throughout the hour, Martha would tease that day’s world premiere video, which always followd at four o’clock on the dot. I wasn’t completely sold on the notion that I was gay yet, but when this video hit my screen, not only did I decide that men were for me, I also decided I wanted to become the fourth member of Bananrama. They were always being so naughty and delighting themselves, while objectifying dancing shritless men.

But there’s another reason I like this video and that’s because of the director, Peter Care. Care directed “Drive” by The Cars, one of the first videos ever aired on MTV. He’s also responsible for REM’s “Man on the Moon,” “The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight” and “What’s the Frequency, Kenneth.” His eighties music-video work is pretty easy to spot – multi-layered images running slightly out of sync, color filters, rapid-fire editing, and of course, making it look like Bananrama can dance where they’re pretty much not moving at all. Care directed several episodes of “Six Feet Under” and the Jodie Foster movie “Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys,” but not much else as far as I’ve found. But the minute I need a music video of my own, he’s the man I’m hiring, after I hire the shirtless men who will dance around me.

Response to Jeff Whitty’s Open Letter to Jay Leno

Posted in Uncategorized on April 25, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

What follows is “An Open Letter to Jay Leno,” written by Avenue Q creator Jeff Whitty, and posted yesterday at, and since picked up by several other blogs I read daily. Following Whitty’s letter is my response, which I sent to him and to with a request for publication:

Dear Mr. Leno,

My name is Jeff Whitty. I live in New York City. I’m a playwright and the author of Avenue Q, which is a musical currently running on Broadway. I’ve been watching your show a bit, and I’d like to make an observation:

When you think of gay people, it’s funny. They’re funny folks. They wear leather. They like Judy Garland. They like disco music. They’re sort of like Stepin Fetchit as channeled by Richard Simmons. Gay people, to you, are great material.

Mr. Leno, let me share with you my view of gay people:

When I think of gay people, I think of the gay news anchor who took a tire iron to the head several times when he was vacationing in St. Martin. I think of my friend who was visiting Hamburger Mary’s, a gay restaurant in Las Vegas, when a bigot threw a smoke bomb filled with toxic chemicals into the restaurant, leaving the staff and gay clientele coughing, puking, and running in terror. I think of visiting my gay friends at their house in the country, sitting outside for dinner, and hearing, within hundreds of feet of where we sat, taunting voices yelling “Faggots!” I think of hugging my boyfriend goodbye for the day on 8th Avenue in Manhattan and being mocked and taunted by passing high school students.

When I think of gay people, I think of suicide. I think of a countless list of people who took their own lives because the world was so toxically hostile to them. Because of the deathly climate of the closet, we will never be able to count them. You think gay people are great material. I think of a silent holocaust that continues to this day. I think of a silent holocaust that is perpetuated by people like you, who seek to minimize us and make fun of us and who I suspect really, fundamentally wish we would just go away.

When I think of gay people, I think of a brave group that has made tremendous contributions to society, in arts, letters, science, philosophy, and politics. I think of some of the most hilarious people I know. I think of a group that has served as a cultural guardian for an ungrateful and ignorant America.

I think of a group of people who have undergone a brave act of inventing themselves. Every single out-of-the-closet gay person has had to say, “I am not part of mainstream society.” Mr. Leno, that takes bigger balls than stepping out in front of TV-watching America every night. I daresay I suspect it takes bigger balls to come out of the closet than anything you have ever done in your life.

I know you know gay people, Mr. Leno. Are they just jokes to you, to be snickered at behind their backs? Despite the angry tenor of my letter, I suspect you’re a better man than that. I don’t bother writing letters to the “God Hates Fags” people, or Donald Wildmon, or the pope. But I think you can do better. I know it’s The Tonight Show, not a White House press conference, but you reach a lot of people.

I caught your show when you had a tired mockery of Brokeback Mountain, involving something about a horse done up in what you consider a “gay” way. Man, that’s dated. I turned the television off and felt pretty fucking depressed. And now I understand your gay-baiting jokes have continued.

Mr. Leno, I have a sense of humor. It’s my livelihood. And being gay has many hilarious aspects to it—none of which, I suspect, you understand. I’m tired of people like you. When I think of gay people, I think of centuries of suffering. I think of really, really good people who’ve been gravely mistreated for a long time now.

You’ve got to cut it out, Jay.


Jeff Whitty

New York, N.Y.

Dear Mr. Whitty,

My name is Gary Green. I am a thirty-five year old television producer in Los Angeles, and a gay man. I have not seen your play, Avenue Q, but I have heard unanimously positive reviews from friends and relatives. You have been complimented by people in my world for your wit, sophistication, and thoughtfulness. I was therefore unpleasantly surprised to discover that your “Open Letter to Jay Leno” regarding the gay jokes in his monologues, displayed absolutely none of these traits.

In choosing to share your impressions of gay people, rather than pointing to celebrations of diversity and courage to be one’s own self, you immediately rushed to terrifying incidents of gay bashing, acts of intolerance, isolationism, and “centuries of suffering.” Your statement, “When I think of gay people, I think of suicide,” is one of the most insensitive remarks I have ever read.

Mister Whitty, when I think of gay people, the idea of suicide is far from my first thought. All kinds of people feel tortured for their differences, especially if those differences are exploited by larger social groups. I have never attempted to take my own life, but I know two people who have. Both of them were heterosexual.

When, six paragraphs into your letter, you finally attempt to highlight positive aspects of the gay world, you refer to gay people as “a cultural guardian for an ungrateful and ignorant America.” What exactly is this implying? Culture would disappear entirely in this society were it not for gay people? Only gay people who see your show are sophisticated enough to appreciate it?

You conclude that every out-of-the-closet gay person has had to make the realization that they are “not part of the mainstream society.” Mister Whitty, where exactly do you live? I became a part of the mainstream society the very second I realized that’s exactly what I already was. It’s a decision owned by every individual. It does take work to accept one’s self, but I am there, and millions of gay people in this world are there with me. If we are still supposed to think of ourselves as outsiders, please educate us.

Your call to arms against Jay Leno is laughable. Jay Leno is not looking to incite violence. Jay Leno does not back up his jokes with persuasive arguments to change thought. He’s an act, and not a very deep one at that.

Comedy is a matter of taste. Comedy is pain plus truth. Mister Whitty, don’t you realize that in comedy, some group or individual is always singled out to serve as the punch line? I enjoy occasionally being that “someone.” I laugh so often at the rest of the world, it deserves the right to zing me once in a while.

Jay Leno is probably the easiest target you could have picked. If you’re looking to take a well-known person to task, I suggest you re-aim your sights at former actor Kirk Cameron, who actively preaches against homosexuality and for conversion. You can visit his website, for more information.

And as a final suggestion, you may want to check out “I’ve Got a Secret,” on GSN, featuring four very-out panelists and a single straight host. You’ll see more gay jokes in thirty minutes than you will in an entire week of Leno. Yes, I’m one of the show’s producers so this could be seen as a shameless plug, but it’s also relevant to my argument. You see, “I’ve Got a Secret” airs at 11:30pm, exactly opposite “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.” Maybe if you were to change the channel, enjoy yourself, and become a regular viewer, it could solve both our problems.

I look forward to a response.


Gary Green

…When The Current Contestant on Match Game Needs One to Tie, and Two to Win

Posted in Uncategorized on April 24, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

Look! It’s the next generation in iPod technology. And you know what else? It’s imaginary and STILL everyone in the world will have one before I do!

Television that FORCES you to watch the commercials? Get ready– it’s coming. Philips has the patent. Favorite part of the article – “Philips acknowledged, however, that the anti-channel changing technology might not sit well with consumers and suggested in its patent filing that consumers be allowed to avoid the feature if they paid broadcasters a fee.”. See, there’s some good news!


Posted in Uncategorized on April 24, 2006 by Tv Food and Drink

… also known as the BEST DAY EVER! – Ben and Jerry’s Official Site

Family heirloom turns out to be 90 year old mummified baby. Mark Burnett signs it to holding deal. Pic here via

Human head found in Key West! Mark Burnett signs it to holding deal. No Pic here

Dog bites off man’s nose. Mark Burnett puts garnish around it and serves it to latest band of Survivors. If only there were a pic here